Irony

The alarm went off. His hand came out of his two hundred dollar sheets. Feeling around on his bedside table until his hand hit the off button he dreaded getting up. The early morning moan as he sat up had become routine. Blinking into the light and cursing himself for not closing the curtain the previous night, he rubbed his eyes with a fist and then the back of his hand and untangled his feet from his covers. Putting them over the side of his bed, he set them on the floor and quickly picked up his left foot. The hardwood was cold. Reaching into his sheets and pulling out a brown sock, he tugged it on and made his way to the bathroom. He turned on the shower and looked at himself in the mirror; he looked as good as he did every morning: squinty-eyed, in need of a shave and messy hair (not even the sexy, movie-kind of messy. It just stuck straight up in the back with part of it in the front stuck to his face). Standing next to the shower, he took off his boxers and socks and got in. The initial thought as the hot water hit his sleepy body wasn’t of comfort or relief, it was of pain. The hot water coming down on his weary body was not appealing to him. Thinking of the irony of getting in the shower in the morning and how, after the initial shock, if he was in there long enough, he didn’t want to get out. The next thought turned to work and what he needed to do that day. He eventually turned off the shower and shook out his hair. Not even bothering with a towel, he sauntered out of the shower and into his room. He walked to his dresser and grabbed a new pair of boxer-briefs. He put them on and went to his closet. Choosing a shirt, tie and slacks, he laid them over his bed and walked back to the bathroom. He watched himself as he brushed his teeth and then shaved. The new electric razor buzzed as the hair fell into the sink. When he was done, he walked back into his bedroom and put on his dark blue slacks. The blue shirt he had chosen to wear that day was a good contrast against his dark eyes and dark hair. He picked up the tie and looked at it, thinking back to when he was a little boy and how his grandfather has shown him how to tie a tie.

“You go over once with the little part, then you pull the big part up and over and through the knot.” His grandfather had told him. He could see himself as a boy looking down through the knot in wonderment. The blue tie was clumsy and oversized in his small hands. His grandfather’s older wrinkled hands had come down over his little head and tied it quickly. Finally he made himself learn when he had to tie his own tie for his grandfather’s funeral. Since then he had put the big part up and over and through the little part countless times; on his first job interview, when he graduated college, when he proposed to his ex-wife.

    & nbsp;   &n bsp;   He meandered down the hard concrete steps of his apartment and into the morning light. The breeze played with the leaves causing them to cast a kaleidoscope of shadows on the street. Having stole an hour before he was to be at work he thought he would try a new coffee shop that morning. He had thought of investing in a coffee machine, but he enjoyed the atmosphere of coffee shops. Especially this time of year, he could stroll down the street with his hands in his pockets and see the orange and red and brown leaves falling. He could sit at a table and become part of people’s lives. Breathing in deeply he thought how much he loved the crisp air. Making his way down three blocks to the new shop, he was pleased to find that it had quaint tables and it seemed homely. He had been to larger coffee shops and had had bad experiences, it was crowded and everyone was rushed. You couldn’t even think in that kind of place and what was the point in that? After ordering his coffee he went to sit outside. He chose a clothed table by a four-foot green fence. He didn’t have his paper with him because he wanted to take in the calmness of it all before he got to work. As he sat he looked around. There was an older man reading a worn hard back book. He looked harder and saw that it was Roald Dahl’s The BFG. He smiled to himself. To his left there was a college aged girl working on a laptop. The girl was blonde and had deep blue eyes, she wore too much makeup and looked confused. There was a passing thought that maybe this is what college girls look liked now. He felt sorry for the 20-something guys out there.

“Sir, here is your coffee.” The waitress interrupted his thought.

“Thanks.” he responded.

She set the cup on the table and walked away. He stared at her as she walked. Looking down to his coffee he was startled. A woman was standing by his table on the other side of the fence. Her elbows rested on the fence and her fingers were intertwined. She smiled at him.

“You shouldn’t stare, we don’t usually like that.” she said to him as she continued to smile.

“Do I know you?” he asked.

“No, but I thought I should let you in on that secret.” she whispered and winked.

He stared at her. She had brown eyes and brown hair. Not striking, but not plain. It was her smile that was captivating. She smiled with her entire face. Her eyes, her cheeks, all of it smiled. He stuttered through somewhat of an excuse.

“Don’t apologize to me, I wasn’t being stared at,” she stood up and started to walk away, her shoes silent on the gravel.

“And by the way, you should leave her a tip, she’s pregnant.” She winked at him again.

Looking back to the waitress through the window and then down to his coffee, that was bizarre, he thought to himself. He finished his coffee and handed the waitress a ten dollar bill on his way out.

That day at work he caught himself thinking of the woman several more times. What kind of person just randomly talks to strangers? She was captivating. He had only had a three minute conversation with her, but he could not get her off of his mind. He was amazed at how much you could remember about a person if you really thought about it. She had had a tiny mole on the left side of her face. Her eyes were fierce and they had laughed at him when he had looked so confused. She had not dyed her hair and her ears had not been pierced. Maybe he was making it all up he thought to himself. That night when he got home, he threw his keys against the table by the door. Hanging his jacket in his closet and loosening his tie he thought about coming home. This was the worst part of the day for him. An empty apartment. It was a nice place, he just wished he had had someone to share it with. He had dated several women, but of course there was the “one who got away”. She was amazing, he had thought he wanted something else and he made excuses for breaking up with her. He told her that he couldn’t trust her, even though he knew he could have, he just didn’t want the hassle of a long distance relationship and he thought that he maybe wanted to see someone else at the time. He missed her now. She had gotten married last year. That lucky bastard. A passing thought of his ex-wife made him annoyed. She had wanted kids and he told her that he didn’t. The truth was that he thought she would be a horrible mother, and she was. She remarried another man two months after the divorce and now all three of her boys were in boarding school. His mother had kept him up to date with more gossip than he cared to know. After pulling his shoes off with his toes by the heel, he made his way into the kitchen and rummaged through the refrigerator. Nothing really appealed to him, but he wasn’t too hungry anyway. He walked restlessly to the TV and turned it on, he flipped through five channels and then turned it off. He walked back through to his bedroom. He thought again to the woman standing over the fence. He unbuttoned his shirt and took off his undershirt. He wondered what her name was. He walked to the bathroom and turned on the shower. He thought again to the deep brown eyes. The bathroom quickly fogged over. He took off his pants and boxers. He got in the shower still thinking of the woman. He thought of her smile and the clever winks she had given him. He thought about her until there was nothing more to think about.

Every day he was at the coffee shop, waiting for her to show up again. He found himself scanning faces instead of enjoying the season as he once did. The air grew colder and he moved inside. He knew she would come back, he just had to be patient. He waited through the winter and into the spring. He felt the coldness turn to warmth. And he searched. He looked online, he walked down the street she had turned down several times a week. Any information would have soothed his mind. He questioned if she had even been real. Curiosity became obsession. The waitress’ stomach grew. He wondered how the woman had known the waitress was pregnant, she hadn’t started showing at that time.

“How are you today?” the red haired waitress asked.

“Good, can I have my usual?” he said as he smiled at her.

“Comin’ right up” she smiled back.

He looked out the window and saw her, standing right there on the corner. She looked both ways as she started to cross the street, her brown hair flowing just below her shoulders. He knocked the sugar off of the table as he bolted outside. He came to the gate. Why in the hell didn’t I go out the other way? He cupped his hands around his mouth,

“Hey, excuse me” he yelled.

Several people turned and stared at him. He looked down at the fence. He put both hands on the gate and made an attempt to jump over. ‘What am I doing? I’m not a boy anymore.’ He pulled the closest chair to the fence and holding onto the fence, finally made his way over it. He landed with his knees bent and his hands on the ground. God that hurt. He got up and ran across the street, he was thankful that there weren’t any cars. He made it around the corner and saw the woman disappear into a store. He ran down the street afraid that he lost her once again. Making it to the store, he opened the door and stepped inside. He was surrounded by women. The smells of them were everywhere. Perfumes, shampoos, fragrant soaps….he was bombarded with scent. He looked around, mannequins with sexy lingerie. The last time he was in a store like this, he was still married. He saw her brown hair weave through the isles, he tapered around the isles until he caught up to her.

“Excuse me ma’am” he said “You don’t know m…”

She turned. It wasn’t her. He apologized and mumbled something about being mistaken. He didn’t know how he got out of the store without smelling like a woman. Once back outside he started down the street. Turning the corner he saw the chair he used to jump the fence was overturned. Closing his eyes and putting his hands on his hips he laughed. What am I thinking? This woman is controlling my life. He chuckled to himself as he crossed the street. He heard the squeal of tires and felt his legs fly out from under him. He rolled over the top of the car and felt the glass falter under his weight. He flew back off as the breaks were hit. He landed with a thud on the ground.

 He could feel people around him trying to see if he were alive. He felt a soft hand on his neck.

“Yeah, he is still alive” a woman said.

Opening his eyes he saw a figure that was very female. The bright sun made a halo around her silhouette. He felt pain all over his body. He laughed again.

“Oww….oww.” he said between laughs.

“Are you alright?” the woman asked.

“Hahaha, no, I just got hit by a car!” he said.

Trying to sit up he only made it as far as one elbow before everyone was reaching to help him. Once on his feet, he dusted off the back of his jacket and felt the back of his head. No blood.  The woman checking his pulse had been the waitress. Her stomach bulged so that she had to be helped up too. People slowly dispersed with comments to be careful and to look before he walked out in the middle of busy streets again. The driver of the car insisted on giving his name and insurance information. Finally he and the waitress were left alone to walk back to the coffee shop.

“Are you really okay?” she asked.

“Yeah, I think so.” he said as he rubbed the back of his head again.

“I think we should call a cab and take you to the hospital either way.” she said it as more of a demand than a request.

He looked down at this woman who had served him coffee for the last eight months. Maybe it was the glow of her pregnancy, or maybe it was his realization of never finding the woman he met that day, but she was gorgeous. Her bright red hair shown in the sunlight until it looked like fire and her dazzling green eyes were kind and caring.

“Sure, if it will make you feel better. How are you holding up?” he said as he gestured toward her stomach.

“Me? Oh, I’m fine, really, it’s nothing to worry about. The baby gave a couple of kicks when I saw you get hit, but other than that, I am fit as a fiddle.” she said as he noticed her covered southern accent, not to mention no one in the north says “fit as a fiddle”.

“Good” he paused as he looked at her again “Now, how about this cab?”

Sitting alone in the hospital he looked down at the ridiculous paper robe he had to wear. Wondering where Cassie had gone he looked out the window for any sign of her. ‘Cassie. What a wonderful name. Wait, when did I start thinking in terms of fiery hair and wonderful names?  Shit.  Turning to more masculine thoughts; like how the Packers were going to do this next season. Was Favre going to stay with the team? The Packers weren’t the Packers without Favre.’ His thoughts were interrupted when the doctor came in.

“Hi Thomas, how are you?” The doctor asked.

“You tell me.” he smiled.  

“Well, we have a few more tests still running, but so far, you look like you are going to be fine.” The doctor looked down at his chart, and back up to Thomas. “It is your wife, Cassie that I am worried about. She started to feel dizzy after we brought you in so we took her to the Labor and Delivery wing of the hospital. She looks like she is going to give birth today. Your baby’s charts looks healthy so far. I just didn’t want you to be worried.”

“She’s giving birth today? Where is she?” he asked but thought to himself ‘what? I don’t know this woman, why do I care?’

“I will take you down to her room, and when we get your tests back, I will let you know what your status is.” The doctor said as he walked toward the door. “I’ll let you get dressed.”

He quickly put on his pants and dress shirt. He tied his tie as fast as he could and grabbed his jacket on the way out. Falling into step alongside the doctor, they hastily walked down the halls to Cassie’s delivery room.

“Here is your stop, I will let you know as soon as I get any information.” The doctor explained to him.

“Thank you doctor.” he mumbled as he stared through the glass rectangle to the woman lying in the bad eating ice chips and watching old reruns of Wonder Years.

 She looked beautiful even now. ‘How could I have not seen her this way before? I was so caught up in this other woman that I didn’t even notice what was right in front of me. And hell, her having a baby doesn’t even scare me off.’ He walked through the door.

“Hey you! How are you feeling?” she asked.

“I imagine a lot better than you” he told her as he walked to her side of the bed. “Can I get you anything?”

“Um….maybe some more ice chips. I’m about gone on this batch.” she shook her cup to make the remaining chips rattle.

“Ok, I will be right back…anything else?” he stood near the door, ready to accommodate her every whim.

She laughed and shook her head. He strode out the door and nearly ran down the hall. Where was the father in all of this? She didn’t wear a wedding ring, and she had never talked about a man in her life. A couple of months ago she had mentioned her sister in Illinois was reading the same book as him, and that her father had passed away wearing the same tie he had on a couple of weeks ago. She had also said something about the baby being a boy.

“Hi, want your usual today?” she had asked him.

“Yeah” he replied as he watched out the window for his mystery woman.

“I’m having a little boy!” she told him enthusiastically. “I know that you don’t really care, but I just found out and I had to tell someone, otherwise I’d just burst!” she exclaimed all in one breath.

“Congratulations” he told her as he went back to his window gazing.

He stopped by the gift shop and bought a tiny Pittsburg Pirates baseball outfit and flowers, grabbed another cup of ice and made his way back to the delivery room. He looked in the room and saw a man leaning over the bed stroking Cassie’s hair. His heart sank. Maybe it was a brother or cousin. He stepped into the room and smiled.

“How’s the mom-to-be?” he said cheerfully.

“I’m doing just fine.” she smiled back.

He wondered if there was there more in her smile than just being friendly.

“Hi, I’m Ben.” the man stroking Cassie’s hair said.

“Thomas.” he replied and turned back to Cassie, “I bought you some flowers…I think they are Gerber Daisies, though I don’t really know.” ‘Why am I telling her all of this insignificant bullshit?’

“You are just so sweet” She said as she smelled them. She took the ice from him and felt the cloth of the outfit. She pulled it out from in between his hand and the cup.

“What’s this?” She questioned. “The Pirates…how did you know it is a boy?” she asked.

“I remembered when you told me the day you found out.” he said sheepishly.

“You….you remembered?” she said through tears.

“I didn’t mean to make you cry…it is just a gift.” he said.

“Its, so pretty.” she squeaked. “Oh, oh wow, oww. OWWW….”

He grabbed her hand as Ben held the other one. The flowers, ice, pirates and Cassie separated the two men. A small black nurse came in and moved Ben aside. She took Cassie’s pulse and then felt to see how much she was dilated. 

“You are ready to go baby girl. Just a few more minutes and the doctor will be here.” she said. She smiled at Thomas on the way out.

“You will be okay babe, our baby’s almost here!” Ben said.

“Maybe I should let you two do this alone.” he said and started to pull his hand away.

The grip tightened and her green eyes pleaded.

“I am going to see what is holding this doctor up.” Ben said and got up.

When the door closed with a click, he had to ask, “Is that your husband?”

She turned red and laughed. “Ben is the father of my child, but he is the biggest gay man I know.” She laughed again.

“Huh?” was all he could reply.

“Ben has been my best friend for as long as I can remember. When we were nine, we said that we would get married when we were thirty-five if we weren’t married to other people. Well, as it turns out, age seventeen rolls around and Ben tells me he is gay. I turned thirty-five last year and I didn’t have a man in sight…neither did Ben. We both wanted kids, so we are having a baby.” she looked at him.

A smile slowly spread across his face.

“So….Ben….he’s…..gay?” he asked.

“Crooked as a politician” she smiled again.

He loved her right then and there. There was no mistaking it. She was smart, had a cute half-hidden accent and was everything he was looking for….even though he wasn’t looking for her.

November 14^th…what a great day! The crunch of the leaves on the ground as he took his place reminded him of last fall when he first went to the café. The irony that from all of this beautiful death comes new life. Now Jack Thomas was seven months old and destined to play baseball for the Pirates and Cassie was walking down the isle. Barefoot and in a simple white dress, she was perfect, almost angelic. His mother was holding Jack and Ben was the “man” of honor. Leaves fell around Cassie making the scene something from a movie. Her red hair hung loosely around her shoulders and her veil danced playfully in the small breeze. He looked to his wife-to-be and his son. It was amazing. Closing his eyes he breathed in the air. Opening them he saw the woman on the other side of the park. She waved and smiled. Cassie came into his view again. What was she doing there? Did she know all along that it was supposed to be this way? It was all a blur after that.

“I do” He heard himself say.